Greetings,
This magnificent photograph is by Kenya K. Stevens. It is emblematic of the ancestral mandate that was bestowed upon me causing a transformation from my slave mentality to one of graciousness and humility. The photo also caused a resonance in my soul because it reminded me of the past. My not- so-long-ago to the lifetime, past time, of my Ancestors. This commenced on a Sunday morning with the hearing of "Sweet in the Mornin'" sung by the legendary Bobby McFerrin. Yet its inception came from a negative encounter I had the mall. Fore until I heard my lyrical cleansing, that melodic healing, I had tried talking about it, journaling about it, yet it was not until I heard this song, I was finally able to release it-symbolized by the bird taking flight.
Here is the encounter. My boyfriend, Paul, and I were trying to find a parking space. Momentarily he stopped trying to decide which spot to take, a second or two at the most. However, from behind a horn blew, a long one, which considering we'd only paused a moment, I felt was unnecessary-so I got pissed. I began trying to get my hand over to the steering wheel to press the horn, yet Paul (who was driving), counted so I couldn't-thus I didn't get my retaliatory blow. He further accommodated the SUV by pulling to the side so the vehicle could pass. Now, as the Toyota rolled by, I slipped through Paul's defenses to blow the horn. Now, after 20 years of driving, I could tell there was going to be an issue by the way the driver turned to eye us. Yet this really didn't hinder me because what happened next deepened my disdain.
The driver pulled into the last stall in the parking lot. Now I thought the horn blow was due to the SUV needing to leave the mall using the near by exit-but no-it parked. As Paul and I drove by I voiced my discontent, loudly. The two occupants, both white, one female, the other male, exited the vehicle with the Heifer (a.k.a. the female) at the lead with her left arm up holding her over-sized designer purse, Jackie O sunglasses and name brand fashion coming to the car with an attitude.
The conversation went as thus:
"I saw you mouthin' off." the Heifer said buggin' her eyes at me, "What's your problem?"
Did I mention she was 4 years old, i.e. 20 something, just learned where her genitals were located (i.e. thinking she somebody) and probably drivin' her mama's car? Fortunate and unfortunately, I am a young looking 46-which could have contributed to her thinkin' she was dealing with a peer-but that didn't matter now. My eyes narrowed, "Why did you blow, especially since you parked in the last spot?"
"You were holdin' up traffic!"
"WE pulled over, YOU rolled by, parking in the last slot! So was the store 'bout to jump up and leave, so you had to blow your horn, rush to the last spot, to catch it 'fore it left!!!" Heifer didn't have a response for that, her body twitched like she'd just received a shock.
"That's not the point!!! YOU were holdin' up traffic!!!!"
"So it wasn't the STORE, but MALL that was tryiin' to leave, so that's why you were hurrin' us the hell up-is that it?!?!?!"
All the while Paul (pictured here to the left) was trying to be civil trying to restore peaceful with the matter (that's one of the many reasons I love him, he's my balance). So as a means to dissuade the escalating confrontation, he simply drove away. Yet, as fate would have it, the spot we found was just a little bit up the aisle. Heifer took this as an opportunity to get in my face and I mean literally. So I took my opportunity. I let that soe have it with both barrows and I didn't have to put my hands on her; mainly due to Mall security arriving-cause Heifer's ass was on a fast track to havin' my foot in it. Yet even then, with Mall Security trying to deal with me, it was to no avail. Because he knew, I could tell from his reaction being a Black man himself, the type of ire he saw coming from me, a Black woman, it would be easier, better, to deal with them, so he did. He put his hands up, nodded his head with understanding as he held the pair at bay, allowing me to walk off, so I would cool off. Yet even that didn't work as I pointed angrily at other spaces Heifer could have parked in, this mind you was going on while Heifer and her mate were calling me "Crazy and I need to calm down", to which I retorted they needed to do the same thing.
And I saw myself; I knew I was behaving like the stereotypical "Angry Black Woman". However that was superficially, for there was a lot more occurring in me with that encounter. Upon introspection, via journaling, trying to talk to Yemaya. I realized centuries was happening, flicking by with each step I took away from that Heifer, who was finally silenced with my final remark, "You Uppity Bitch!!!". This shock, her shock, I felt, its reverberation hitting my in my back as I opened the mall door-cause I wasn't just angry I was enraged. Fore I had experienced what my Ancestors HAD to contend with and die over because of a whim, due to certain white people believing they have the RIGHT to act and react on the illusion of their Air of Entitlement. That's why EVERYTHING that Heffa said I had a response. Even when she tried to get louder on me, I drowned her out (over 400 years of Slavery tends to give you a little bit of volume).
The encounter transformed me. That evening I didn't want be around White people-couldn't. If I had saw Heifer in the mall it would have been on again and up until Sunday morning on November 28th, I was intending ill will for Huffa a serious ill will if I "ran" into her-Huffa's behavior knocked the rose color glasses off. Where in the past I would have given people like that the benefit of the doubt, saying, "Oh they acting crazy let it go", Huffa took that away from me. My mother grew up in the south where the "N" word and Black women as well as men were called girl and boy on a daily basis. Yet she forever said, "Always look a white people in the eye and stand with your shoulders back. Let me know you ain't afraid of them." I got it now. For I always use to look away because I didn't want white people to think I was trying to come off to aggressive. However now, it's not aggressive to be assertive and it's not my job to be less than for anybody, especially somebody white.
Yet something Higher arrived when Sunday morning dawned. Drey Bey took this beautiful photograph called, "Something Greater than Myself" and in the background my Creator Yemaya is supporting the Black man in this powerful gesture of humility and grace. It was Yemaya who soothed me, ministering to my enraged soul, which in turn piloted back to the reality that I have White friends; that the lacking of the one is not emblematic of the whole. Yet it was that dysfunctional one which stung still does.
Now, I admit gladly there are many choices I could have made that would have averted the aforementioned incident-many. However, something Higher allowed this to occur. Fore it has been my experience; if something is not meant to happen-it won't-because the action would not have been universally sanctioned. This is not to imply I was acting "justly" on behalf of Universe, there are too many Racial Supremacist walking around with that distorted view point. I am saying, karmatically speaking, what occurred was a suppose to because it evolved into a teaching moment for us both; as how she treated me was her Karma and how I reacted was mine.
That young woman had to learn what she did was not appropriate which is why Paul stop interceding as I would have stopped had asked me too. What I had to learn was not to respond to other people's negative vibrations, an issue I wrote about in my Blog A Bump in the Road: Karma in Motion. However, my actions demonstrates something Higher was writing through me (as it always does) because I have hardly mastered this behavior, which is why this particular lesson keeps coming back to me (you can't move on till you get the lesson). Yet what spurred me on was that look, which I just could NOT get out my head. It was that look, that entitlement, that Air of Superiority that was best captured for me in the movie Beloved; that irked my core. There was a scene in particular, seared into my memory, of a white man in a white hat wearing a white suite on a white horse who rode in with that look conveying he was here to collect what belonged to him; and what "belonged" to him was another human-being captured and brought into Slavery.
I was chastising that woman for my Ancestors who couldn't but WANTED too. No African WANTED to be subjected to bondage. None of my people liked it-they survived to thrive becoming stronger because of it. There were NO good Slave Masters. Slavery has had horrible ramifications on my people's psyche we are only now beginning to heal and I am not referring to Obama's election. So it is due to this healing, that my Ancestors could turn waste (given to them to as food) to transform it into a banquet, Soul Food, that allowed me to accept the White community back into my consciousness; fore had I not it would have created, in me, prejudice-thus causing racial disparity to bloom and as I mentioned earlier, there is enough of that in the world.
So much thanks to Saddi Khali, a Facebook friend, for heeding whatever guided him to post a song caroling my healing which brought tears that finally released the dam holding my rage-only then I was free.
Here's,"Sweet in the Mornin' . May it heal whatever is ailing you....
Blessings of Peace,
Kioni
Wow - the title is powerful!
ReplyDelete